If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
