a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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