my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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