We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I want is dick and wine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
