People in love make me want to vomit
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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