Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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