My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
