Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
