Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
