Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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