my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
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