I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
