I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
