Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
