i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize