I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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