I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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