i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
