my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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