allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
