Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
