Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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