True but thats because hes a fetus.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
