So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
