Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize