can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
