Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
