I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
