I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
