hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize