my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
