and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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