I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
