It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
