Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
