So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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