This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
