Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
