Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
