im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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