i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
