2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
