DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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