I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
