i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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