and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
