after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
