Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
