I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
