normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
this hospital has no fireball
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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