If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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