Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
