Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
