when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
