ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize