I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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