Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
