I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
