shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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