But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
