it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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