I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
