Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
