It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
