actually, I'm a sock model
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
