I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
