They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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