I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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