Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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