Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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