i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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