I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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