I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
