is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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