How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
