I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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