I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
