So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
