can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I smell stomach acid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
