just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
