dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
