Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize