i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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