OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
