vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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