Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sext me about skeletons
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize