I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
