Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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